Thursday, July 20, 2006
I once heard a lot of theories bout how you must love yourself before people can love you.. Perhaps i didn't love myself that much and allowed myself to be abused..
I always thought by giving in or by making people make promises, things said will be treated seriously and not forgotten. I'm wrong.. It will only lead to more abuse and the person will start taking you for granted..
Yes, i'm hurt for tons of times and i still wonder why am i going back to that hole..
My sadness is oozing out of me every time i'm listening to songs or when i'm alone.. It's like my sadness is flowing out.. But there don't seem to be any ending. It's like you are wrapped in this big bubbly jelly and you're trying to get out.. But the jelly just stick on to you and followed you every step, leaving you no way out... That's my sadness...
I no longer feel wanted nor loved.. not even 0.00000001% of love.. I feel so damn cheated...
I have this very bad habit.. When people say they wanna work something out with me, i'll end up being the one who's trying very hard when the thing was suggested by others..
Is this naive or just plain stupid?
I'm tired of trying ALONE.. I finally know how it is to fight a war on your own.. Haix.. I feel defeated.. My feelings are hanging loosely on a thread.. I'm always the "substitute", never the " one and only"...
I may look happy but i feel very moody as well.. It's not PMS or anything but just my feelings.. The feelings of beng betrayed and lied to into believing you are the "one and only". But in the end, you end up being the trash in the rubbish bin and cant even be compared to the others. Be it Godsis of frenx or just classmates that are known for hardly a month.
I once imagined that my handphone is spoilt so it cannot receive msg.. But after awhile, reality knocked me in the face..
So sick of love songs, so tired of tears, so done of wishing, he was still here..
JiaMin GROwLEd @ 9:06 AM!
