Wednesday, June 21, 2006
If you hadn't broke my heart..
If you hadn't done E wrong things repeatedly..
I would have still loved you..
I once knew a person who is fun and happy.. She may be plump.. But she has tons of frenx.. Frenx who loved her and really cared.. Perhaps she wasn't so self conscious then.. Or perhaps she still had her confident then..
Now.. She changed..
She changed into someone i no longer knew.. Someone who kept all her secrets from me and i kept awae from her. Someone i find irritating and disorderly.. Someone who will NOT fit into my life.. Why? Cuz she broke my heart..
If she hadn't known this guy who is working in malaysia, she wouln't haven toked to him every nite secretly on my daddy's hp.. And he wouldn't have found out.. And she would not have to commit those crimes in the house..
I saw her get punished for E first time.. Chairs and everything came flying.. My heart crashed.. She was someone i looked up to.. Some one i toked to every nite b4 i went to bed.. Someone i never despised.. Til then..
Then it happened again.. My hse phone bill crashed.. Again, it was the same guy.. Who never seemed to have the guts to face the music with her.. A man behind the scenes.. Perhaps he knew of her evil punishments.. But he never had the courage to bring her awae to where he will love her. Or does he really love her? I don't know.. All i know is that E punishments came again. Not as harsh but colder.. Because perhaps beating didn't help at all..
I was little then.. Or maybe not that little enough be able to understand all that was happening.. The little respect i had for her fell.. It went to the bottoms.. I can not longer find it back..
Perhaps i lost her a long time ago.. I just didn't care.. To me, she was someone bad.. Some one evil enough to have no morale.. Someone who can do so many bad things repeatedly just to speak to the darn guy who never loved her..
I hated her and we drifted awae.. We came to a point where we never talked.. Then to the stage when i cannot help but scold her at times.. Perhaps this is where another younger person start to disrespect her too.. I didn't want to.. But i cant help it..
She was humiliated.. But this, i did not bring upon her.. She never seemed to grow.. As in mentally.. She can do so many things that no one of her age will ever do.. She can go to her cousin's hse and lie on E floor and slp when she's tired.. It's not even embarrassed bout it.. Thou i did asked her not to.. Even my cousin spoke up.. But she went along aniwae..
She alwaes wants to tok.. She likes to tok.. Even when she is unsure of smth, she goes ahead and sae it instead of admitting she does not noe of she is unsure.. She has many "frenx" who alwaes seemed to come to her for help.. But never do anything to help her.. She get herself into many unwanted mess.. Such as getting herself entangled in other ppl's love affair.. She wans attention.. Yea.. She got much.. But not good ones..
She need confidence.. She need morale.. Haix.. And yet i don't know how to face her.. Haix.. I dunno how to pretend nothing has happened.. Haix.. Sometimes when i see her actions, i dunno wheter to be sad or to be angry.. Haix.. I don't wan to be leading all E time! I don't wan to lead someone who is suppose to lead me! I wan someone who can communicate to me! Someone not that far off from me! But alas.. I really dunno wad i can do to make her revert back..
I was rummaging thru my stuff.. I saw all E photos she once took. She was happy.. Innocent in fact.. I loved her so.. And yet, i cant bring myself to do that again.. She needs to stand up! Haix..
JiaMin GROwLEd @ 8:00 AM!
